I find that I get scared really easily. I’m terrified of flying creatures, moving things with no legs and thoughts of drowning. I also cry instantly at the thought of losing things I love. These things scare the shit out of me.
But there’s also a lot of little things that get me really scared. Quiet, seemingly harmless thoughts throughout the day can get me caught up in myself. It’s the little things that trigger me into fear.
And if I’m brave enough to dig deep down to the why’s of my fear, it probably has something to do with me not being in control. Why do I get scared of conflict? Why do I get scared of someone else making the wrong decision? Why do I get scared of losing someone? Because it just proves, time and time again, that I am not in control. That there are things bigger than me, stronger than me, outside of my reach that I can never grasp. I am not the god of this world.
Last night, I was scared. The night was dark, it rained. I was emotional, things were changing, life was moving. I found myself concentrating on the dark. I lost sight of the light that was to come.
Today, though, today I found comfort. The sun rose, yet the clouds still loomed overhead. A new day to remember the darkness of the night, the rain of the past, but light, Light, that overcomes (overcame).
The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
Unbelief is gripping. It puts you in a place of unknowing. A dark corner, if you will. But I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!
One thing have I asked of the Lord that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple.
Lord, let this be my prayer.